Chapter Five : The Mental Load Nobody Sees

We hear a lot about mental load, but I don’t think people always see what that actually looks like in everyday life.

We’ve always had to read labels, but in the last nine months we’ve really learned what that actually means. Not just reading them once - reading them every single time, because ingredients can change without warning. This isn’t a one-and-done chore. It’s ongoing vigilance.

Sometimes what you find on a label is genuinely shocking. I will never forget discovering cabbage in applesauce, cabbage in ice cream, canola oil in trail mix and spice blends, and radish hidden in gummy bears.

Anything labeled “natural flavour” can also be a risk. Natural flavour can come from fruits, vegetables, animal products, spices, herbs, or botanicals. When many of your allergens are vegetables, that becomes a huge area of uncertainty. My allergy immunologist once described “natural flavour” as one of my biggest nightmares and honestly, I understand why.

We’ve reached out to companies that make some of my favourite foods to ask whether any of my specific allergens are included in their natural flavours. Some have been incredibly helpful and responsive. Others have been unwilling or unable to provide that information, which I understand, but it's also heartbreaking. We understand it’s often considered proprietary, so we don’t ask for full ingredient lists - we simply ask whether any of my listed allergens are present. I would think this simple question would be easy to answer but unfortunately that hasn’t always been the case.

Over time, we’ve learned how to ask the right questions. But even that learning curve is exhausting. I’m deeply grateful for my wife, who has taken on so much of this invisible work - trying to remove some of that burden from me, while still finding ways to keep certain foods in my life.

Restaurants have been another source of heartbreak. We’ve reached out to many of my favourite places and are often met with “unfortunately, we cannot accommodate you.” I understand it, restaurants carry liability, and I am a huge risk. As I’ve learned more, I’m not even sure I could fully relax eating out anyway.

To be honest, I’m not bothered by bringing my own food places. I love my little bento boxes. They let me eat safely, without anxiety or fear of what might happen afterwards. But that still comes with planning what I’ll need, where I’ll be, and how to make sure I’m prepared.

There is so much invisible work behind everyday life now. And it never stops because it’s the only thing standing between safety and risk.

Thank you for being here. 💕